Obedience to God

Obedience to God is an interesting thought. I think for most of us we assume that if we go to church we are being obedient, if we read the bible we are being obedient, if we pray we are being obedient. I am pretty certain that we do not think that if we eat right then we are being obedient.

I had a realization last night and that was that eating right and healthy is being obedient to God. Here is the deal. I have an addition to food and when you have an addiction to food it can consume your life. Anytime I allow something to consume my life that isn't God I am not being obedient. Therefore, in my life obedience to God means eating healthy.

What are you waiting for?

Tonight someone posed an interesting question (granted it had nothing to do with my situation, but it does apply). The question was "What are you waiting for?" This has been my life of the last several months. I have been waiting for something. I have been waiting for Monday before I get back to the journey. I have been waiting for Mr. Right to come along before I really start taking the journey seriously. I have been waiting for Fawn to come back and kick my butt or someone else to tell me that I look like I have been gaining wait. I have been waiting until I get back from vacation. You get the picture? I have been waiting, but why have I been waiting? All I am really guaranteed is today, this moment, this breath.

I can remember a time when I was really happy. I was really happy with the way I looked, the way I felt and the way my clothes felt. That ended in about April!!! It also happens to be about the time that I stopped really working the journey. I have been trying to get back up but for some reason I have been finding myself struggling. The bottom line is I just need to stop waiting for tomorrow, a miracle or something better to come along and do it. This is it. This is my chance. This is the prayer that has been answered so now it is my chance to act on it. So, what am I waiting for? Nothing anymore!

On my way to Hawaii

I'm on my way to Hawaii and to stay on track, Fawn has me journaling my food.

Monday
Monday is a flying day. Flying days are always a little strange with eating as it. I woke up late and was running late so I couldn't make myself breakfast at home. I get nervous when I fly so I just eat when I am hungry. The real downside to this is I am very hungry when I get off the plane. I know today was not a great eating day, but I am grateful that I have the ability to make wise choices and I am very grateful that I got to take a 15 minute walk.
Blueberry muffin
Water
1/2 apple
1/2 large bag of trail mix
Water
1/2 a turkey sandwich on whole wheat with avocado
1/4 cup of pasta premavera
Water
1/2 a bag if Maui chips
4 bites of brothers meat sandwich
Water
Handful of chips
Turkey burger with cheese(no avocado option) and water
Frozen Yogurt 1 scoop
Water and a slice of pineapple

Tomorrow will be better!

I have been basically sucking...

Hi! So, basically in short I have been sucking at this. Even though I always blog that OK this time its going to be different blah blah blah!!! It isn't. However, last week I had this real awesome conversation with my mother and she kind of put things in perspective. So, this time I'm not gonna say "I am going to be perfect for the rest of the month" or whatever. This time I'm going to say that I am going to say that I feel like I am back on track and things are looking up.

It's hard to admit it...

It is hard to admit when you mess up. It is hard to admit when you make a mistake. But what is even harder is to admit that you have been making those same mistakes over and over again for the last couple of weeks!! I have. I admit it. I have even gained some weight back... Officially I have gained five pounds back. I know it doesn't sound like a lot but the toll it takes on me emotionally and physically is tremendous. Last weekend in a conversation with Fawn she explained to me that this is a journey as is life and with every journey one will falter. There will be difficulties but you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get right back to it! Well, I can't say this last week has gone quite that well but it has gone much better then the other few weeks. I am making wiser decisions. However, what I realized is that what I think I need to do for a little while is just get back to the very basics of my menu. Eat only what's on the menu. That's what I'm doing for the rest of May!

Trying new things!

Okay so this has been a very stressful week...even though I am on spring break! For years I have been wanting to try yoga, but to be honest the people who do yoga seem so intense and serious about it I was afraid of embarrassing myself. Then God blessed me with a friend named Tiffany Wilson. I took her yoga class on Tuesday and it was AMAZING!! She is so wonderful! She has such a gift for teaching yoga. I was not even scared to go into the class. She was kind enough to meet me before the class, walk with me into the class and get me all set up. She was motivating and encouraging and REALLY KNEW HER STUFF! I am so excited that I now feel that I can go into a yoga class and do it on my own...Although I would prefer to continue to take her class...she makes it fun! Tiffany really gave me a lot of courage for a new activity that will help me with my stress and anxiety!

"Every Journey Has Road Blocks"

Hi Friends,

Ok so here is the deal. If I got on here every time and told you the good news you would get sick of hearing from me pretty quickly. The deal is 90% of my journey is good news and great things! However, every journey has road blocks and this week I ran into two.

First road block was the weekend! I am not gonna lie, I am gonna be straight up honest with all of you. I ate bad foods! It was disgusting. I was disgusted at myself and disappointed in myself. However, there is a light in all of this. I did not eat them because I craved them or because I had to have them...NO I ate them because I was living my life and sometimes in my life there is going to be a weekend where I go to a BBQ and then go to a party where all they have is pizza and I don't plan for that. It happens that is why it's called life! I will be okay I just have to work it off at the gym, not get down on myself and know that nothing can stop me ... I mean look how far I have come.

Second road block. I know I am ashamed to say it ... A guy!!! Wait read on and see how I handled it...you will be stunned!! Ok so let me protect this guy a little bit and give him a fake name, we will call him "Joe." "Joe" is a guy that I met. He asked me out and I thought it was a date (as did everyone else I spoke to about it). Then there was a second request, which was canceled. Anyway, during this whole process I realized that "Joe" was not dating me he was just going out with me to be friends, which was fine. However, the way that he was portraying and acting prior to all of this was VERY misleading!!! He hurt me. I spent a week or two getting past this and realizing this was NOT about me!!! Okay so here is the road block... then he asked me out again!!!!! Hello is that a test from God or what!??!?! I told him to call later so I could check my schedule. The truth is he took me so off guard that I did not know what to say. I know that if he calls I will have to tell him no. He is not good for me in the relationship sense. We can be friends but nothing else.

Getting past these road blocks that God presents us with are difficult, but it is what makes us stronger and people and more prepared for relationships further down the road.

Making descisions that are good for me.

Ok so here is the hardest part of this journey now. The food can get hard sometimes, the gym can get hard sometimes, but I get back up and I'm right back on the horse. The hardest part for me now is doing what is best for me. I have always been a people pleaser. Now I have to make descisions that are best for me. That sometimes means not staying at work until 5:00 so I can get a workout in, getting to bed early, not doing A so I can do B. Hanging out with this group of people instead of that group of people because they make me thrive instead of bring me down. Sometimes when you choose to do the best thing for yourself others will not understand, but I know that I have to stay strong to the fact that it is for me and not everyone else. In the long run it's really only me and God and no one else matters.

I'm Back...

Hi everyone!! So as you can see my blogging has kind of been MIA. The thing is I feel like I have been given this whole new life. I am officially down 33.3 pounds and still going and it feels great. Not only do I feel great, but I have more energy and I am so much more confident and social then I ever was before. This would be the very reason my blogging has been lacking...I am never home anymore!!! I have been hiking, out with friends, at church, working out, whatever it maybe, but not at home. So I just wanted to explain where I have been and say I will do my best in the future!!!

First day being on my own...

So Fawn left today. I started my day knowing that Fawn was leaving at 8:55 and I didn't know how I was going to feel. I was sad that she was going to leave, but then at 10:00 when I looked at the clock and realized she was gone I felt an unbelievable sadness and fear. I realized that all of a sudden in an instant I was alone. I now had to do this on my own. There was no Fawn who I was going to see later that day to tell me if it looked like I had gained weight or not. There was no Fawn there to confess to if I ate something I shouldn't have.

Now please don't get me wrong. Fawn and I are not done. We will continue working just in a different way and that different way is going to take a little getting used to. This is going to mean that I am going to start having to hold myself more accountable. This journey has always been for me, but I think for awhile I allowed myself to get very comfortable with Fawn here because I knew she would not let me get away with anything so I was not watching myself as closely because I knew Fawn was. Now, I have to watch myself like crazy.

being ready and then BEING READY!

Fawn wrote to all of us bloggers today and thanked us for all that we have been doing. She also reminded us of what we should be doing on our journey. She reminded us that "with God anything is possible." It is very true because without God's grace and presents and love all of THIS would never have been possible.

Prior to starting the journey there were so many things that I swore I was ready for. I could list them off without any hesitation. However, now that I can sit here and say I am 32 pounds into this, a whole lot different mentally, emotionally, and physically I can tell you that had those things happened there is no way I would have been ready for them!!! Not a chance!!! I needed to grow and do some searching. I'm not done growing (no one ever is), but I do feel like I am ready for anything God wants to give me. I have grown so much in fact that I can sit here and tell you that even if He doesn't want to give me some of the things I want the most then I will be okay because it is what He is giving me. Which leads me back to "with God anything is possible." It is that quote that keeps me warm at night and it is that quote that reminds me that it is not just myself, and not just Fawn that have gotten me to this point in the journey. God has made this possible and God knows my heart and sees the deepest parts of it and I have every confidence that He will make every dream come true in it's own time. I feel like great things are just around the corner and now I can say I am READY.

Too much food!

Hi Bloggers,

Wow, I was on a roll, working out, eating clean. Today, I don't know what happened... I was clean all day then tonight it was over. Now look... I can tell you that I have come a long way because I am not sitting here dwelling in it, but I do know that I should have used some more self control. Life is not always going to be neat and clean in any sense. It's important to know that I can puck myself back up when I fall down and I know I can, I've done it before... This will not get the best if me! Never let anything get the best of you, tomorrow is a new day!

How do I do this again!?

So there has been this whole I'm on a journey thing. I'm on a journey to better myself. I have been successful etc. etc. etc. However, now that I am confident and all I have been starting to date and flirt and enjoying myself, but how does it work... not the flirting and dating...that part I know how to do ;) I mean how do I make it work and still have the time to workout, eat right and take care of myself! I know what has to be number 1...of course it has to be God and then the journey, but it is still a little difficult. Living life and continuing to live life can be a little complicated when you throw dating and the journey into the mix.

Sad goodbyes and New beginnings

Hi readers,

I am sure all of you know by now that Fawn and Zac are leaving California for a FANTASTIC OPPORTUNITY in Greenbay. WAY TO GO!!! However, this does leave some of us in California without our Fawn ;(.

Fawn was kind enough to call and inform me on Saturday that the decision had been made and let me tell you that I did not take the news all that well. I am scared. I will be flat out honest with you. I am TERRIFIED. Fawn and I have seen each other almost everyday through this whole thing and I am not sure that I will be able to do it without her. Will she still be my coach? OF COURSE! We will talk over the phone, e-mail and however else we can do it! But I am scared. I know exactly how I felt when she called and told me and my first inclination (after crying) was to eat...I didn't.

Fawn has been such a rock and mentor and every time I think about her leaving my eyes fill up with tears. I am sad because my best friend is moving, I am scared because now I have to stand on my own two feet and do this by myself, I am scared because I am not sure what standing alone is going to look like, but when the crying is done I realize that God put Fawn in my life to perform what I can only describe to all of you as an absolute miracle. She believed in me when every doctor I had seen had given up hope. She believed in me and taught be how to believe in myself again. Now, God sees it fit to take her someplace else to do the very same thing with other people. No matter where she goes she will bring light and no matter where she goes I will continue to make progress because she has instilled in me the tools I need to be successful. I see myself making healthier decisions just because that is how I eat now, that is what I LIKE now something I would have never done before I met Fawn.

I can do this, I will do this and when I go to visit Fawn and Zac (because oh yes that is happening...get ready for the house guest you two!!) they will get to see that I have continued on this journey not without them, but with their tools and their voices reminding me how to do this. They just need to go and make seismic shifts in other people's lives now.

Sometimes the best decisions are the hardest...

I was on a roll. I was doing well. What happened? I don't know. I could blame it on stress. I could blame it on work. I could blame it on a lot of things. I could even blame it on myself. However, I have been working really hard at not being too hard on myself because sometimes in life for all of us making the best decisions in life are the hardest ones to make. It might be as simple as making the decision to get up in the morning to go to the gym...that's a hard decision to make. It might be as difficult as putting down the bottle and not drinking anymore...that's a hard decision to make. For me, today, it was not eating the cake that was being served at a super bowl party...and you know I did it. However, when I went to the next party there was ice cream and I ate that.

If I don't loose another pound, if I even gain weight from here on out I have at least learned a very valuable lesson. God has a plan for me. Somehow this journey is in His plan... and for me He has great things. Right now I just have to learn how to be comfortable with the uncomfortable, and I have to learn to trust in Him. If we do recall He did promise us great things. I have to have trust in that. I have to run with that and know that He will never let me fall or falter unless it is to allow me to learn a lesson.

Why am I doing this again?

In the day to day grind that everyone goes through it is so easy to forget why we are on this journey...not just this journey of transformation, but this journey of life.

This past week has been one of ups and downs for me. I had a few too many 20% episodes and when I saw Fawn (like always I confessed). Fawn put be back on the straight path right where I needed to be. Fawn took me through an intense workout and I left her feeling GREAT I was back and ready to go. I was going to focus on my food and continue with my workouts like I had been doing.

The next morning I woke up for my morning jog/walk with my Dad. Half way through I fell and I fell hard! I scraped myself up pretty bad and I sprained my ankle. This was BAD news. This meant no workouts for a while and definitely no intense workouts for awhile.

This brings be to today. Fawn suggested I go back and look at my old videos to help me see how far I have come and to help remind me that it will not all be undone in a matter of a few days. While I was looking at the old videos I was reminded of why I am doing this. I took a pledge (given to me by Fawn) to focus on myself. The two most important things in this life right now are God (this will always be the case) and myself. I need to stop worrying about work, stop worrying about my class, stop worrying about whatever boy or what not and worry about my relationship with God and myself. I need to get back to that focus to where I was then. That is the healthiest thing for me right now.

Everything else just falls into place

Thoughts on The Journey

Hiking Topanga!

Let me start with a confession...

Okay so there is a lot that I want to share with you tonight, but first let me start with some confessions. I have been really awesome with my working out...I have even been running more and more! However, in the last three or so days I have been having a few too many 20% moments...not days but moments. I have to say though that the biggest thing about this though is that I don't feel like the world is ending. I know eating that way is not healthy, but I also know that I will not gain back ALL my weight in just those few little episodes, which is a HUGE improvement for me.

Now, onto the other stuff. Once again I was reading my Purpose Driven Life e-mail and I though this quote was perfect! "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." It is the perfect quote for the journey that we are all on. We cannot do this alone, we cannot even do this with just Fawn by our side! I mean she is great, but we need something more! We need a higher power. I know personally I have never been as successful as I am now and I attribute it to me putting all my heart, soul and faith into God. When He gives me strength I truly can move mountains! I can't wait to move my next mountain!

OFFICIALLY 30 POUNDS!!!

Yep it's true I may not have been blogging, but I have still been sticking to my eating plan, working out and getting enough sleep! This week I only lost half a pound but it was enough to get me to 30 POUNDS!!!!!! WHOOP WHOOP!!! Oh ya super excited!

Anyway...I am way excited! I feel great! I have a ton of energy and I am just all around in a much better mood.

"When you plant seeds of peace you reap a harvest of goodness, which means you will reach your goals because God is going to bless your life." This is a quote from my Purpose Driven Life e-mail that I get everyday and I wanted to share it with you. I feel as though I have been spending my life planting seeds, but it was not until recently that these seeds have been truly good seeds. I am finally reaping the benefits of this...the benefits that God wants me to gain. This does not just mean physical weight loss, but confidence and new friends and a whole new life full of experiences and also a whole new glorious relationship with God on many different levels. It's wonderful. I highly recommend it!

Sorry I have been MIA!!!

Hi everyone!!! I know that I have been missing in action. I am sorry about that. I promise that it has had nothing to do with not being on the program or not exercising. Actually, quite the opposite! I have been doing great! I have been working out six days a week and finally feeling like I can eat healthy off the menu that Fawn had provided. I have even been creating some of my own meals!!!

Also, I feel like a shift is taking place inside of me. I dont know what it is I don't know where it will lead me, but it's a change and it's great!! By the way at my week 13 weigh in I had lost 29.5 pounds.

I will try and be better about blogging.

Results of weigh in

Hi everyone!

Well today was weigh in for week 12 and before I give you the results let me just recap. When I began this journey I was 221.5 pounds my self esteem sucked and I was sure I was destined to live my life a fat cow.

Today, is weigh in for week 12 and I told myself that no matter what the scale said it was ok because I have come so far. I have better self esteem, I am more confident, and I have hope now. Okay I will tell you... Today I weigh 193.5 for a total weight loss of 28 pounds!!!!!!!!! I know I am kinda excited!!!!!!! And there is more to come stick with me!!!!

Message coming in loud and clear!!!

Friends I just have to tell you everything I have read this week, everything I have listened to this week and every person I have talked to this week has given me the same message! I believe that this is a message from God himself and he is just saying "Lauren I am do tired of you not listening I am going to make it impossible for you to miss!".

The messages that have been so impossible for me to miss are: "focus on Me not on the problem at hand." In this case God is saying focus on Him and stop focusing on all the negatives about myself. I was made by him, he created me, every little part of me so I am doing Him a disservice by disliking parts of myself.

Message two: "I have a plan for you, Lauren. It is in the waiting that is the hardest and you will see the greatest gifts I have to give, but give Me time, I will provide for you. Here is the deal we don't like to wait for anything. However, this week I have really been hearing God telling me that it will be ok. I need to spend some time in this season by myself with Him. That means waiting. The hardest part is waiting and thats even worse then the "no" sometimes. When He is ready He will provide and change my season.

First day back at work

Hi all!!

Well today was my first day back at work after 3 weeks. It was great to be on break, but it was difficult because my day was not as structured as usual. I thrive on structure. Anyway, today started my first day back to getting up at 5 am to workout eating very clean ALL day and it was just fantastic all together!

The one difficulty that I have been having is that I have been having some pushback from negative thoughts, which I don't like. I know that I will get through it, it is just a matter of prayer and time.

I am gonna make this quick...

Hi y'all...listen to me clearly too much time with Fawn!!!


Anyway! I am super tired so I am gonna make this quick. I had a great day today! I had a very "clean" eating day and I had a great day exercise wise. Tomorrow I am up bright and early for a hike. Wish me luck because my first hike was very, very difficult and this time I am going without Zac and Fawn. I know it will be great!

Have I been working as hard as I could be?

This is my biggest question that I struggle with. I put my all in my job, I give my all to my family, friends and God, but have I been giving this journey my all and my best? The truth is I think in the beginning I was in this 110%, but I worry that now that I am under 200 I am backing off a bit. I am not doing it on purpose, but I am finding it a little more difficult to get back on the way I want to be. Please take this with a grain of salt because I am my
own worst critic!! What looks like perfection to the rest of the world I can find room for improvement.

Here is what I say tomorrow is a new day and it will prove to be a new start. I can't dwell on what wasn't perfect, I can only look and plan for tomorrow.

I am what I am.

CONFESSION:
Some days it is more difficult then others to eat and live a "clean life." Today for example, I might have had a few more noodles in my pasta and an extra slice of bread then I wanted to. I also had a cookie. It was my intention to go this entire week eating only "clean" food. What I mean by that is to have clean eating habits all week long. Now, is my week over and should I throw the rest of it away...NO...THE DAY IS NOT EVEN GONE!
I am discovering that I am the kind of person who is on certain days more hungry then on other days. On the majority of my days (95%) of my days I am okay, I can eat three meals a day, and eat three snacks a day and be fine. However, there is the 5% of the time where I am just really hungry. That is okay. What needs to be different is what I eat in that time. Everything I ate today was fine, except the cookie. I should not have eaten the cookie, but I did and next time I will pick an apple.

REALIZATIONS:
I think what I find most difficult so often is that when I read magazines I see models and I automatically think that that is what I am supposed to look like, but it's not. What idiot decided that frail thin, pale, angry looking woman is what makes a woman beautiful? I am supposed to look like me. I don't know yet what that is supposed to look like. It might look like me right now at 198 and that's okay because I am learning to be okay with that, but I don't think it is. I think it is me much lower then 198. Whatever number I am supposed to end up at and I am supposed to look like I am going to be okay with it because it's me and it's the body that God intended for me to live in. So, whatever it is will be amazing. I mean look at my life up until now, it has been fantastic and I have not even been fully living it. For right now I just have to let go of the past, let go of trying to be in control of creating my future (that's God's job), and let go of making myself feel bad and just live and be in this moment and be comfortable with what I am. I am what I am and no one can or should make me feel any differently about that.

New Year, New Me, New Years Resolution?!?

I am so excited to tell you that this is the very first year in all of my 26 years of life that I am NOT making a new years resolution. In the past, ALL of my new years resolutions have had to do with loosing weight, getting healthy, sticking to my diet, going to the gym, etc, etc. Well, clearly I have never followed through on any of those, which is why I was led to this point.

I am finally at a point in my life where I can say that I am comfortable enough with where I am that I don't have to say "okay new year, new slate." I know that I am on a good path, I know that I am on a path that will be lasting for me so there is no need to make a resolution because really (in my opinion) resolutions don't last.

In October I chose to make a life change. That is what I am going to stick to and that is what I am going to stick with. The rest I have to LET GO OF!

"Focus on God and the Jorney"

...Or it was something like that but you get the point. Well today was one of my lower points. Not eating wise, not working out wise, but emotionally. Please don't misunderstand, I am not an emotionally unstable person. As a daughter of a psychologist I am actually one of the more emotionally stable people you might ever meet (years of therapy and really digging into who I am as a person). However, today was an interesting day and one I have never gotten to in all of my years in therapy.

I have really been struggling with where I am in life. I am at a point in my life where all of my friends are married and some even have kids. Here I stand single. Yes, it is true I have been blessed in many other ways. This past year I was able to buy a house, seven years ago I survived two brain surgeries. I have a job when like 10% of the population doesn't. So, true I am blessed, but I am missing that one part, that thing that we all want, a partner in life, someone who makes my heart beat faster then it does at any other time.

So, I went to see Fawn today, like normal. We sat down to chat and let me tell you she is the best advice giver there is. Over the years I have spent I don't know how much on therapists, but she just laid it flat out for me. "Spend your time focusing on God and this journey, working on yourself and the rest will follow." It was exactly what I needed to hear, possibly not what I wanted to hear, but what I needed. I had gotten myself so wrapped up in the future, thinking about whats to come and will he ever come that I had lost sight of what I was supposed to be focused on. Her words refocused me. She equated life to stepping stones in life. Sometimes we get so focused on the end, what we want that we forget to enjoy each stepping stone along the way. Those stepping stones are big deals! How we get to that end in a huge deal and each one has a lot to do with making up apart of who we are and what we become later in life. For example, who I was a year ago is a completely different person then who I am now. Now I am more understanding, I don't explode and loose my temper like I used to, I have met Fawn and I am on this WONDERFUL journey, I had not yet joined Mosaic and I have lost 25.5 pounds. I am more self confident, I am more willing to step out of my comfort zone, life is GREAT!

Now, let us let ourselves imagine for a second that I had found "him" a year ago before I had become the person I am today. I would not be good in any relationship. The person I am today is better then the person I was a year ago and the person I will be in a month or two will be better then the person I am right now. I just have to let this journey and God take its course and be okay with that. I need to focus on this stepping stone right now and LET GO OF THE REST.

Well, I started off with good intentions.

Hi all!

Well, I started off my trip to NJ with the best of intentions, but all I can say is that I am sooo glad the holiday food is GONE!!!! It is officially out of our house, out of my parents house and I am back home. I swear if I lived in NJ I would weigh 900 pounds! Let's talk on the upside. I worked out everyday except for one...and the one day I did not workout I didn't because I made myself sick...yep that's right I ate so much crap one night I made myself sick.


The majority of my meals were not GREAT because I was not cooking them and making them myself. However, they were as balanced as I could get them. The worse night was the cousin's party, which was on Tuesday night. We had everything from veggies, to sausage and peppers to desserts. Ya, Wednesday was the day that I was sick! It was awful! Let's not do that again!


Enough on what I did wrong though. It's the holidays and I made conscious decisions to do those actions. No need to dwell. I am back and tomorrow it is back to 3 bottles of water a day, I set out my meals for tomorrow already and I am ready to get back on the horse. However, the one thing I think I am NOT going to be doing tomorrow is weigh in. I can tell you that I gained weight, but I know that seeing the number will not be good for me. It will only put me in a bad place mentally and I don't need that.


So, sorry I don't have better news for everyone, but if anyone can tell me they did perfect during the holidays I would love to know how! However, I am learning that it is not really about perfection it is about the journey and on this journey, which is for a lifetime there will be holidays, parties and other activities. I am not always going to want to eat perfect. This time though I did go a bit overboard.

Eating healthy during a blizzard!

Hi All!

Well I made it to NJ. Last night was an interesting eating night. I took a night flight to NJ so I ate an "extra" light snack halfway through the flight...which was technically in the middle of the night, but I was awake and hungry...it was an apple and almonds.

Today when we landed we I was off to a FANTASTIC start for the day. We had a crazy day so we went straight to a diner for breakfast. I ordered directly off my "Fawn Menu" and I even brought measuring cups along to make sure I was being good with portions. I ordered an oatmeal with bananas and an egg white and a whole egg. That was it. Then I was off for my day. I ate every three hours, but because it was such a busy day and we had SO much to do, before the blizzard hit (yes I said blizzard) I never got to eat an actual lunch. So, I continued to eat every 3 to 3 and 1/2 hours, but I just ate my snack. We finally checked into our hotel and I did my workout. So, since I am really only supposed to be working out six days a week and today would have been my day off I only did 30 minutes on the treadmill, but I ran! Then NAP TIME!! I was super tired!

Then came dinner. I had done so well all day and I still think I did pretty well, but I wish I had not eaten so LITTLE all day. I wish I had eaten my meals. I say this because what it did was it set me up so that come dinner time I was STARVING!!! I begged my dad to take me out in the blizzard and purchase some "Fawn food." We went and almost died doing it, but made it safety back. I started by only having turkey, cheese sandwich on a half of a whole wheat bun, but then they brought the corn chips and salami out. Now, the corn chips were not awful...I read the ingredients...they were organic and as far as chips go were the better of the bunch. The salami was not great I'll admit, however I never have it and it is a NJ thing! I had like 5 thinly sliced palm sized pieces. Not a ton, but enough. So, you can see it was not a perfect day and I really don't plan on skipping meals again, but I think in the end I probably evened out in calories.

Keep ya posted!

Off to NJ

Hey Bloggers!

Merry Christmas!

Well I hate to say and I never thought I would...but I can't wait for the Holidays to be OVER!!!! I love the meaning of Christmas, the family, friends, the gatherings, but I need this food and the temptations to go AWAY!!!!

I keep comforting myself in "Lauren, you are doing the best you can for right now, this is a lifetime journey and in a lifetime you are going to find the holidays are going to happen." So, to make myself feel better I am working out 7 days a week instead of 6, right or wrong that is what I am doing. I calms me to know that at least everyday I am being active. And, I will admit not all 7 days are running/intense type days, some days are recovery type days. However, I know that come the New Year, I won't have to "start a diet" I will just be able to get back to my "regular routine."

Well, today is Christmas and I hope that everyone is enjoying their families. Tonight my family and I are off to NJ to see our VERY LARGE EXTENDED FAMILY. In case you missed it we are Italian so there is A WHOLE LOT OF US and what I am dreading most A WHOLE LOT OF FOOD! It will just have to be one meal at a time, one snack at a time, one workout at a time (yes I will be working out while I am there). My brother and I get memberships to the YMCA. I can do this. I know I can I just have to stay true to my portions and AWAY FROM THE DESSERT TABLES!!!

Please say some prayers for me!


I probably won't get to blog while I am there so I will see you all when I get back. Stay strong and stay on program! Keeping you all in my thoughts!

Lauren

Setting ourselves up to FAIL!

As I was wrapping today I had the T.V. on and I could not help but notice that the diet commercials started. This was a major coincidence because today ended up being my 20% day. As I attempted to enjoy my 20% day I wondered to myself why it was so hard for me to do so. Is my relationship with food that is deranged? Is it some sort of eating disorder? No! It is simply that I have been on diets far too long and they have done a number on my way of thinking...in a very negative way! Let's take Jenny Craig for example. That was the one I was on the longest. You get a menu and a certain amount of calories, then you have to weigh in once a week. In my case if I did not stick to those calories I would gain weight. So, I would get really, really down on myself when I would go off the menu. When I say I went off the menu I do not mean I went particularly crazy, I mean that life happened. However, because I was on so few calories anytime I went off the menu I gained weight.

Skip forward to this journey. Now here I am trying to live my life with the concept of 80% and 20% and I took today as a 20%. I had whole wheat crackers, cheese, turkey, cheese, whole wheat bread, and some tiny tiny cookies (all together sounds like a lot, but I did not feel bad about it ... at first...I felt like I had done a good job with this... it also took the place of a meal and two snacks, so I was not doubling up on meal calories or anything...it was all spread out). However, when I let myself really think about it I get down on myself, so sure that I have ruined everything because I have not stuck exactly to the plan. This is what diets do to you. They set you up to FAIL so that when you go out into the real world and attempt a plan/ journey like this it takes forever to rework your thought process.

Another concept plaguing me at this moment is that weigh in was today. I hate being a women for this very reason...I gained 3 pounds. Now, I know I had 2 episode...LAST WEEKEND! But that should not account for a 3 pound increase! I understand that I fluctuate just like every other woman out there, but it can be really frustrating. I never want to be in the 200's again and I am really close.

So, I am thinking that I will not have another 20% day until I am far enough away from the 200's that I can be very comfortable. However, is that the smart thing to do? Or is that going back into the diet mentality? I don't know.

One thing I do know is I can't wait for the Christmas food to be out of the house!

Wanting things now!

We all do it...we all want things now...we all hate to wait. It's that inner child that comes out and says I WANT IT NOW! This can apply to anything: weight loss, a transformation, a guy who says he will call, a guy who you want to have ask you out, a promotion, a raise, a new house, it can be anything. When we want something we usually don't want to wait for it. That's why as kids going to sleep on Christmas eve was so super difficult. There was this excitement that we felt. We just could not wait to see what Santa brought us. Now, depending on where we are in our lives we just can't wait to get to the new year to see what God has in store. "Will this be my year" we wonder. "Will I find my true love," "Will he ask me out," "Will I get that promotion," ""Will I buy that house," "What wonderful things will come my way."

However, for most of us on this journey the first question is "Will I accomplish my goal? Now, I have faith in myself that I will accomplish my goal. That is not my concern. What drives me crazy, keeps my mind going, what I have to learn to give up to God Himself is what will be the next steps. This is the new "Christmas Eve Excitement for adults." You see dear friends I have wasted (yes, wasted) so many years of my life on this "weight issue" that I am so excited to see what my future holds! I know He holds wonderful things for my future, but I, like everyone else want those things NOW. I have to learn to WAIT! In time, those thins will come and they will come at the right time. I will loose my weight at the right time, I will reach my goals at the right time, I will meet my person at the right time, I will get married at the right time. I can't control my future. I can't control what HE is supposed to control. All I can control is this journey and how I do from day to day, moment to moment. That's it, the rest has to be given to God and held in His hands and then miracles happen.

Letting God guide me.

So I thought I had this journey nailed. I thought I was good. I thought I could do it with my eyes closed. I was wrong! I talked about Friday...you all know how that went. Saturday was better. Sunday...a photocopy of Friday. What I am learning is that I am human, I make mistakes, but if I can get back up and start all over again that is really the best part. I essentially started all over again this morning. I had a great workout and followed my eating plan to a "T."

The holidays are difficult, eating wise, for anyone and everyone...anyone who says differently is lying. However, I decided last night after a very very very long talk/text with Fawn (thank you Fawn) I realized that I can talk to Fawn and Zac and they can motivate me and give me advice until they are blue in the face, but really the only person who an make a difference in the journey is me. I have to put in the hard work and I have to put in the time. Here I am willing to do more, willing to say that I messed up real bad and willing to say that I don't want to do that again.

At this point I have lost 25.5 pounds, blew past 200 and it feels so good!!! I love the way I feel! I love how light I feel! I love the way my clothes are feeling! At this point I have to say some real serious prayers, let God guide me and take His hand the rest of the way through this journey because in reality it is me and Him to guide me on this journey. Fawn and Zac are just here to talk to. Today was an A+ for me. I am going to bed tonight ready to make tomorrow another A+ day!

Not one of my better days...

Hi Friends,

I am a little ashamed to put this out there, but if I can't put it out on my blog for all of you to read then what good is the blog ... right?!?


So, as I said last night we had major holiday parties at school all day long and I went into it completely prepared. However, it did not go exactly as planned. The breakfast went great. I mingled, chatted, I didn't eat the food!!! I was so proud of myself (oh ya and I should mention at weigh in this morning I had lost another 5 pounds!) I was on top of the world! Then the afternoon came ...


I was passing out cupcakes to the kids, a parent brought pizza, and another student brought surger cookies. I had 3 tiny bites of the cupcake, a whole surger cookie, 3 bites of a piece of pizza, and more crap! We don't even need to keep mentioning it. Now, I know that I need to live my life by the 80/20 rule and this can be considered my 20% day and I just pick myself up again tomorrow.

However, you have to know me to know that I am really, really, really hard on myself. In my head I am sure that I have now put back on ALL 22 pounds!!!! My first thought is to tell myself ALL OF IT RUINED I MIGHT AS WELL QUIT, but forget that no more of that talk, I like what I am doing now. I like the way I feel when I eat healthy, and get up early to workout. It makes me feel good that I am working on me for a change. So, tomorrow is a new day and I will be back at it tomorrow.

Everyday can't be perfect, most days are hard, but it's that hard days that make the rewards so worth it!!!

So, in closing my friends I ask that you just say a littler prayer for me that the coming days go well for me and that I get back on the plan and I begin to lighten up on myself.

Good night friends and I hope your holidays are going well!

Crazy week!!

Dear Bloggers,

It has been one crazy week and I don't know about you but I have been pounded and surrounded by Christmas parties! Along with Christmas parties comes sweets and junk food and all those tasty things that will not do me any good! Anyway, my biggest thing right now is tomorrow morning at work we have our Holiday Breakfast! Okay so there is going to be so much good food there, but I really don't want to have my 20% day until the day AFTER Christmas (when we go to New Jersey and have our big cousin party). I am really working hard to be under 200 pounds for NJ AND save my 20% day for NJ. This is my small goal. I know that I can do this. As for tomorrow I just have to eat my breakfast before I go to work and mingle instead of worry about the food. That's it!

Now, last time I blogged I mentioned that I hit my first goal...yep that's right I am currently under 200%, but not by much, just by a sliver so I was trying to be really really on top of it this week. My new goal will be to hit 180. I can do this I know I can. I was pretty skeptical about getting this far, but now that I have I am pretty sure that with God on my side and Fawn to push me further then I would have ever pushed myself I can do ANYTHING!

Oppostion one week and Blessings another!

Dear Blogger,

I find myself amazed at the transition from last week to this week. Last week we all were hit hard by the opposition! There are some amazing things happening and clearly we were upsetting something in the universe. However, I look at this week and the amazing blessings. For example, just when you need it most a colleague calls your name from across the yard just to tell you how FANTASTIC you look. Right there is a blessing! It is amazing to me the contrast from one week to the next.

I am learning to take the moments of opposition in stride and recognize them for what they are. However, I am so grateful for my blessings...no matter how small they might seem at the time because it is the blessings that will pull us through our darkest moments of this journey.

Whether is makes sense or not those are my thoughts for the night. Good night all and may the Lord bless you as fully as He has me! :)

Down 6 pounds!!!

Dear Bloggers,

Let me tell you what happens when I wake up for a week and go to the gym and 5:00 in the morning. I lost 6 POUNDS! Yep that's right...you heard me right 6 POUNDS!!! Plus, I reached my first goal! I broke 200 pounds and I can officially say I will never ever see those numbers again! THANK YOU LORD! I am still working on getting to bed early so I can wake up early and increasing my cardio. Hopefully, the numbers will continue to go down.


Bye for now!

Where Have I been?

Okay so Fawn made an interesting comment the other day "It will go as fast as you want or as slow as you want." This made me think it is all based on how hard I work. I know simple right. I just haven't really been thinking about it like this before. So, starting last Monday I got myself out of bed at 5AM and went to the gym. I decided to start doing this because the gym in the thing I HATE the most and going after work only makes it WORSE!! It has been GREAT! I have had sooo much more energy for teaching during the day, I have been in a better mood and everything. The only down side is I have to work really, really hard and getting in bed early at night to make sure I get the 7-8 hours of sleep in and still be able to get up by 5. So, here I go off to sleep. Good night!!!

Let's make it 5 pounds away...

Okay so today's weigh in did not go exactly as expected. I actually gained 2 pounds, but that's okay last week was a big week with Thanksgiving and all. Also, I have not been reducing that last snack like I was supposed to be doing. On top of that I had Greek yogurt 3 days in a row (I just love that stuff!) So I think these are some of the possible reasons why the two pounds might have gone up and not down. I am not stressing...thanks to a looonnng conversation with Fawn...THANK YOU FAWN! I know that all I have to do it just amp up the cardio (when I'm feeling better) and cut that last snack in half. Also, I don't think I have been putting enough time in between my eating. Sometimes on the weekends I will eat every 2 hours.

If it sounds like I just admitting everything I have done wrong I am because then I wont do it again. This is the best way to hold myself accountable.


As for tonight, even though I was not feeling well I still went to the gym and I am glad that I did. I got 30 minutes in and that is good enough for tonight because I am feeling really really lousy!

Tomorrow will be nothing by better!

BLAH!!!

Okay so here is the deal...I woke up this morning with a yuk throat and a stuffy nose. That is bad news especially because I have a crazy busy weekend and for the next TWO WEEKS I have parent conferences, so it is not like there is time to take off or get sick!!!! So, I did not go to the gym tonight, which is technically fine because I am allowed to have one day off. However, because I can be a little crazy and my weigh in is tomorrow I am of course worried that not working out tonight is going to affect what my weight is tomorrow. I know I'm nuts, but I am working on it!

Everyone just cross your fingers that the weigh in goes well...as of last week I was only 3 pounds away from my first goal! I hope tomorrow I am just that much closer!!!!

P.S. also prey that this cold or whatever it is goes away!

Amazing!

As you may or may not know I purchased a house this past summer. I have really enjoyed getting it all together and I have REALLY enjoyed decorating it MY way for the holidays. However, I just had the most AMAZING experience tonight. I invited my parents over (no not the first time), but this time I cooked them dinner instead of the other way around! I cooked them a VERY VERY healthy and it felt so good to host them in my house and be able to cook them such a healthy meal!

I am so excited about all the wonderful things that are in my life and all that I have been blessed with! It is truly amazing and God is truly wonderful.

Too Hard...What to do?

Okay so Fawn has asked me to cut my last snack in half.  Sounds simple right?  WRONG!!!  This is the greatest struggle for me right now.  I am still hungry after doing it!!!  I end up eating the whole snack because I am hungry and I don't want to let myself get too hungry because if I do I am afraid of what will happen...you know I might go off and eat something I shouldn't!!! 

There is another thing too...I am slightly irritated with the stupid stair stepper this evening.  I did my 30 minutes on it and I increased the intensity...a lot!!  I went from 55 to between 65 to 85!  I know can you believe that!!!!  I couldn't I was stunned!  Well catch this I barley broke a sweat.  Now when I exercise I like to feel the sweet it is like the reward for me, but tonight there was no sweet!!!!!  Super irritating. 

This is what I imagine Fawn's response will be:
"Drink more water."  I love you Fawn, but I am gonna float away!!!! 

I did have a cup of coffee this morning does anyone think it had something to do with that?!?!?!?!?

Back on track!

Okay so I am back on track and it feels good.  Although here is my biggest complaint...I have not been working this week so I have not really been on a schedule, which is a HUGE problem for me! It means I get to sleep in, which is great, but it pushes my whole schedule back and I find that I am hungry all day long.  So, this is my biggest reason for being excited to go back to work.  It will put me on a schedule. 

I went to the gym this morning even though I was still exhausted from the Thanksgiving excitement and the black Friday shopping....basically it is all about the keep on keepin on! 

:)

"I can't wait for the holidays to be over!"

I don't know about you all, but I am so SUPER SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING THAT PHRASE and it is really only the first day of the holiday season!  Okay now I get it not everyone has the perfect family, but common on it's CHRISTMAS!  However, I will say this I can't wait for the FOOD to be gone!  It's killing me!  So, my day started out great I went back to my 80% day, but then dinner came (is everyone else hearing the doom music in the background like I did?)  Anywho!  I didn't go overboard or anything I simply had three maybe four tiny picks at the stuffing and the same at the cranberry sauce.  I just want the food to be gone. 

However, here is a tip for anyone who is missing the Holiday Starbucks high calorie/fat drinks!  Try Peppermint tea!  It has hit the spot every time for me!  :)


Tomorrow is another day and another try...can't be perfect and it's not about perfection...it's about the transformation!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hi Everyone! 

So today was Thanksgiving!  One of the best days of the year!  It starts the wonderful holiday season, but with that comes the dreaded food and the scary decisions that many of us for so long have either ignored or feared, it just depends what side of that you ended up on.  I went into this evening so sure that tonight was going to be different then every other Thanksgiving.  I had all the tools I needed.  I had the mindset that Fawn had set me out with, and the menu that Fawn and I had worked so hard on. 

Let me tell you how it turned out...I ate all day like Fawn told me to...the best way I knew how.  Then dinner came and I ate my portions, but I also ate a litter more then planned, but I am going to share because I am trying to live my life in the 80/20 style.  80% of the time I eat healthy, I eat the way that I know is right and 20% of the time I am allowed to have mistakes eat the things I know will not always be good for me.  However, in doing this and knowing that today was a 20% day I want to share with you.  Along with what Fawn and I had I also has a bread roll and little more pie then planned (instead of the half a piece I had a regular piece) and a few tastes of hard sauce (please don't even ask what that is made out of!). 

Now I know that does not sound like much, but for me in the past I would be like oh dumb me I messed up my diet!  I guess we are done now....let's finish the whole pie!  Well not quite, but you get the idea.  However, I had an EXCELLENT weight in today and a great workout.  I am focusing on that and trying not to think about the bad thoughts that like to creep into my head like "you ruined it" because I know I didn't I simply had a 20% day and tomorrow I will go back to my 80% days. 

11/25/2010

Today was GREAT!  I had a very productive day.  Since I knew I would be working out in the afternoon I did not want to waste the whole morning so I woke up, cleaned up, made some meals for the week, went grocery shopping and then went to see Fawn.  I worked out really hard today, which felt great!  I have been dealing with some inner issues about my future and things that have been on my mind lately and so the workout felt really good. 

Tonight was an interesting night for me.  I had baked a pie because my sister was and her boyfriend were coming over...that was not the difficult part.  The difficult part was serving it up to everyone.  I did not want a piece, I was not hungry for a piece but as I was serving it up I was like wow I could really go for a piece, but just because I was looking at it.  However, I stayed strong and knew that I was not hungry and did not have any.  However, I am REALLY REALLY  looking forward to my slice tomorrow!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE! 

Lauren's Healthy Thanksgiving Meals Video!

Lauren's going healthy at Thanksgiving! She is eating everything in moderation! To get some tips for what to eat check out Lauren's Video below!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wEMRKhk-Zo

Harder then I thought...

So there is a chance that the holidays are going to be harder then I thought.  Today, as I was doing more cooking with my mom (one of my favorite things) I realized that I was missing also eating and tasting everything.  So, I am just really looking forward to Thursday when I get to have small portions of everything like Fawn and I talked about.  However, in the meantime I am starting to think ahead about the things I am gonna miss like the Egg Nog.  I  know this is like the most disgusting and fattening thing in the world, but my family always has a cup while lighting the tree.  I think I miss the smell of it more then anything.  Same goes with cookies, I keep really wanting to bake cookies, but I feel like if I bake them right now I am just going to eat them!  So, maybe no baking right now.  I get why the holidays are so hard for people to eat healthy.  I never really got, but I guess that was because I just always NEVER ate healthy during the holidays.  I was always of the mind that the diet could start January 1st.  NOT THIS YEAR!  NO DIETS FOR ME!

11/22/2010

Okay so today began the scary Thanksgiving cooking.  Yes, I know it's only Monday and Thanksgiving is not until Thursday, but we cook in shifts to try and make Wednesday and Thursday less stressful.  Anyway, I cook the pies so I started with that today.  Well that was my first big obstacle.  First problem was that I only had the breakfast smoothie for breakfast...I am 26 and I should know by now that I have to have a really good solid slightly heavier breakfast otherwise I will stay hungry for the rest of the day.  Then I started cooking the pies.  I was really really good, but I will be honest and admit here to EVERYONE that I did have a very small and I mean tiny taste of the pie crust, but everything in moderation right! 

11/21/2010

Sometimes in life we have to do things that are just so difficult and so hard and we just have to hope that our bodies will fall into place and follow suit.  That is kind of what I am feeling today.  Getting up this morning was hard.  I did not want to, I wanted to sleep in, but I had agreed to meet Candi at the gym, so I got up and hoped my body would soon wake up.  Later I didn't want to eat the healthier option that was in front of me I wanted to eat the cake.  I didn't I ate the carrots instead.  Hoping that one day my mind will just skip over the cake. 

Sometimes we all have to do things that are hard and difficult, but they are better choices for us.  Candi said something really important to me this morning as we were working out he said "we didn't get this way over night, so we can't expect to fix it over night." He is right, but that does not help the fact that I would still like to wake up tomorrow morning and have it be done.  I know this may not be making much sense and it may sound like I'm rambling, but these are the thoughts I'm having today.  I really just want to send it out into the cosmic void that is the internet. 

Good night all!

Muffin Top!

Hey All!


Girls this post is mostly for you because you all know what I mean by MUFFIN TOPS!  You know that dreaded thing that hangs over the top of our pants and no matter how much we work we just can't get rid of all of it.  Well I have GREAT NEWS...MINE IS GETTING SMALLER!!  This was a revelation I realized as I was sitting on my yoga mat waiting for Body Pump to start this morning.  I looked in the mirror and I was like WOW something looks waaayyy different.  Then I realized...It was my muffin top!  It was SHRINKING!!!!


That is all for now!

11/19/2010

Okay so I lost 1 pound this week!!!!  Another one down! 

However, I am not going to lie and I will give this warning out...this post might tick some people off.  Now, I know I lost a pound, but since my other weigh ins had been so much more I was have to admit I was a little disappointed that this mornings number was not better then 1 pound.  So, I talked to Fawn this afternoon and explained my disappointment and she quickly snapped me back into shape.  I also have to tell you that reading some of you comments just now also did the trick.  They reminded me why I am on this journey.  I just have to keep telling myself this:

I am on this journey for myself and not for anyone else.  I am on this journey for my health and not for the number.  The number is simply a nice little reward.  I am on this journey to help myself and to take care of myself.  I have spent far too many of my years taking care of other people (AND I AM ONLY 26) I need to start taking care of me so that way I can have MANY more years to take care of other people.  I am on this journey to heal the hurts of the past and look forward to the excitement that God has planned for my future.  I am on this journey not just to loose weight, but to gain my self confidence back, which is coming back and I can already see it.  I can see with every extra smile I hand out, with every extra twinkle in my eye that I see and every time I rearrange my schedule so I can MAKE SURE I fit the gym in, instead of blowing it off. 

That is all for now ... Good night all of Fawn's children! XOXO

11/18/2010

Okay so tomorrow is my big weigh in day.  I am fully aware that this is NOT A DIET AND THAT THIS IS A LIFE STYLE CHANGE...Fawn has only told me that everyday since we started.  However, every time in the past when I was on a diet I could tell when I was loosing weight (probably because I was starving myself to death), but now I can't tell if I have lost weight each week.  Of course over the long haul I can tell with the usual things...my face looks different and my clothes fit differently, but week to week I just cant tell.  I have to be honest it makes me a little nervous and excited to weigh in all at the same time.  Now, I know it is not all about the number, but still the number is a nice little reward to tell whether or not all that hard work is paying off. 

I will keep you posted tomorrow!

11/17/2010

Hello! 

Well I made it through the day.  A little tired, but no worse off then I started.  I got a little gift to brighten my day though...KOST started playing Christmas music today!!!!!  YEY!!!!  My favorite!  So it is nothing by Christmas music from now until Christmas!!!!  Clearly this was my highlight!

Anyway, onto the good stuff.  So, I was just so drained today I did not feel like I could go to my spin class, but on the brighter side I DID go to the gym and do 30 minutes on the stair stepper!!  This is a huge improvement for me because in the past when I was feeling the way I was today I would just blow off the gym and get a frozen yogurt (with lots of toppings).  Also, another hurdle I had today was needing candy.  When I am down in the dumps I CRAVE candy, which is what I wanted ALL DAY LONG, but I stuck to my guns and I ate an apple instead.  I have to be honest I keep surprising myself.

Have a WONDERFUL NIGHT ALL I am going back to listen to my Christmas music! 

11/16/2010

Hi All!

Well tomorrow is the big day...the 7 year anniversary of my second brain surgery.  Yes, I always celebrate or acknowledge this day more then the day of my first brain surgery because in my mind once I got through this day it was all over.  At least that was what I thought.  That was what I thought as I laid there in that hospital bed.  I remember so vividly looking at everyone around me.  Seeing my parents and seeing that they looked scared.  Seeing my brother barley able to keep it together.  Even now as I look back on it and remember it it still feels like it was yesterday.  For just about everyone else in the world tomorrow will come and go just like any other day.  Many people will wake up either looking forward to the day or dreading the day.  Many people will see it as a simple Wednesday the "hump day" of the week, the half way point to the weekend.  

For me when I wake up tomorrow it will be different.  I might feel sad, I might feel happy, I might feel nothing at all.  That's the thing about this I won't really know until I get to the day.  One thing I do know for sure though is that tomorrow will be different.  Not because I will feel different necessarily, but because tomorrow will be the first time in seven years that I will know that I am taking an active role in changing what is happening to me.  Changing what is happening to my body, to my mind and to my spirit.  Seven years ago I really didn't have much of a choice it was either brain surgery or go blind now I have a choice and I've decided to take the path that is going to make me healthier.  However, that does not necessarily mean tomorrow will be easier.

11/15/2010

I want to go with a theme here: Revelations!  Revelations about myself.  I always thought that big moment when I got some clarity would be huge ... you know like you see in the movies.  However, I had a big clarifying moment today and it was just a regular conversation with Fawn.  It wasn't until afterwards that I realized what had taken place. 

I called Fawn for some advice on what else but a guy and there it was the best advice she could have given me...Lauren you have to take care of yourself first, you have to work on yourself first.  Best advice ever!

It gave me a whole new sense of empowerment.  I went to the gym tonight for the first time EVER because I WANTED  TO and NOT because I knew Fawn was going to ask me about it.  I went to the gym tonight and had a FANTASTIC workout.  I pushed myself harder then I think I probably ever had.
Here is what I learned.  In the past, not only have my diets failed because they were not healthy but they were quick fixes.  They also failed because I did not have the right intentions behind them.  I did them to loose weight fast or my mentality was if I loose weight I will look prettier and then it will all fall into place.  I'm learning that that is not right.  I'm BEAUTIFUL!  I just have to take care of myself first. 

Now I know every woman out that can relate to that...at least at some point in their life.   

Video about Lauren's Transformation!

Check out Lauren's story about being on a journey to transformation! She makes being her coach easy! : )

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=fawnwoodfin#p/u/0/oX__xfYDM38

11/13/2010

3 MILES FOR THE HOMELESS BABY!!!  So I just walked three miles for the homeless and it was really great!  There was a FANTASTIC turnout!  It was even my day off from working out!  However, before the walk I was really really nervous because I was not sure if I could do it, but Fawn was like "of course you can it's only three miles!"  Turns out I can!

Then the group went out for lunch.  Group outings is always a little difficult for me because without fail it always involves food.  I was good though I had veggies.  I am finding that I really do enjoy veggies and even veggies without dressing.


Now onto the next challenge of the day (I guess today is really just full of them) tonight is girls night.  A bunch of us girls are all going to hang out at a friends house ... there will be a ton of food.  So my plan is going to be eat my dinner before I go, bring my snack with me and bring veggies for the group!  Let's hope it goes well.

11/12/2010

Okay so today is the first day of officially blogging.  I am not working today so getting myself motivated to do my usual workout routine is a little difficult.  However, the fact that I lost 3 more pounds this past week is GREAT motivation and watching Cande last night was also a HUGE motivating factor for me.  So I just have to do it.  My biggest issue is not the eating.  It it is the exercising...I hate to exercise, but I know it is the best thing for me.  So, I am hoping that blogging will help to keep me on track with working out.  So here I go...of to get my day off to a good start with a walk/run on the treadmill.