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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Making descisions that are good for me.

Ok so here is the hardest part of this journey now. The food can get hard sometimes, the gym can get hard sometimes, but I get back up and I'm right back on the horse. The hardest part for me now is doing what is best for me. I have always been a people pleaser. Now I have to make descisions that are best for me. That sometimes means not staying at work until 5:00 so I can get a workout in, getting to bed early, not doing A so I can do B. Hanging out with this group of people instead of that group of people because they make me thrive instead of bring me down. Sometimes when you choose to do the best thing for yourself others will not understand, but I know that I have to stay strong to the fact that it is for me and not everyone else. In the long run it's really only me and God and no one else matters.

Monday, March 28, 2011

I'm Back...

Hi everyone!! So as you can see my blogging has kind of been MIA. The thing is I feel like I have been given this whole new life. I am officially down 33.3 pounds and still going and it feels great. Not only do I feel great, but I have more energy and I am so much more confident and social then I ever was before. This would be the very reason my blogging has been lacking...I am never home anymore!!! I have been hiking, out with friends, at church, working out, whatever it maybe, but not at home. So I just wanted to explain where I have been and say I will do my best in the future!!!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

First day being on my own...

So Fawn left today. I started my day knowing that Fawn was leaving at 8:55 and I didn't know how I was going to feel. I was sad that she was going to leave, but then at 10:00 when I looked at the clock and realized she was gone I felt an unbelievable sadness and fear. I realized that all of a sudden in an instant I was alone. I now had to do this on my own. There was no Fawn who I was going to see later that day to tell me if it looked like I had gained weight or not. There was no Fawn there to confess to if I ate something I shouldn't have.

Now please don't get me wrong. Fawn and I are not done. We will continue working just in a different way and that different way is going to take a little getting used to. This is going to mean that I am going to start having to hold myself more accountable. This journey has always been for me, but I think for awhile I allowed myself to get very comfortable with Fawn here because I knew she would not let me get away with anything so I was not watching myself as closely because I knew Fawn was. Now, I have to watch myself like crazy.

Monday, March 7, 2011

being ready and then BEING READY!

Fawn wrote to all of us bloggers today and thanked us for all that we have been doing. She also reminded us of what we should be doing on our journey. She reminded us that "with God anything is possible." It is very true because without God's grace and presents and love all of THIS would never have been possible.

Prior to starting the journey there were so many things that I swore I was ready for. I could list them off without any hesitation. However, now that I can sit here and say I am 32 pounds into this, a whole lot different mentally, emotionally, and physically I can tell you that had those things happened there is no way I would have been ready for them!!! Not a chance!!! I needed to grow and do some searching. I'm not done growing (no one ever is), but I do feel like I am ready for anything God wants to give me. I have grown so much in fact that I can sit here and tell you that even if He doesn't want to give me some of the things I want the most then I will be okay because it is what He is giving me. Which leads me back to "with God anything is possible." It is that quote that keeps me warm at night and it is that quote that reminds me that it is not just myself, and not just Fawn that have gotten me to this point in the journey. God has made this possible and God knows my heart and sees the deepest parts of it and I have every confidence that He will make every dream come true in it's own time. I feel like great things are just around the corner and now I can say I am READY.