Monday, November 29, 2010

Too Hard...What to do?

Okay so Fawn has asked me to cut my last snack in half.  Sounds simple right?  WRONG!!!  This is the greatest struggle for me right now.  I am still hungry after doing it!!!  I end up eating the whole snack because I am hungry and I don't want to let myself get too hungry because if I do I am afraid of what will happen...you know I might go off and eat something I shouldn't!!! 

There is another thing too...I am slightly irritated with the stupid stair stepper this evening.  I did my 30 minutes on it and I increased the intensity...a lot!!  I went from 55 to between 65 to 85!  I know can you believe that!!!!  I couldn't I was stunned!  Well catch this I barley broke a sweat.  Now when I exercise I like to feel the sweet it is like the reward for me, but tonight there was no sweet!!!!!  Super irritating. 

This is what I imagine Fawn's response will be:
"Drink more water."  I love you Fawn, but I am gonna float away!!!! 

I did have a cup of coffee this morning does anyone think it had something to do with that?!?!?!?!?

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Back on track!

Okay so I am back on track and it feels good.  Although here is my biggest complaint...I have not been working this week so I have not really been on a schedule, which is a HUGE problem for me! It means I get to sleep in, which is great, but it pushes my whole schedule back and I find that I am hungry all day long.  So, this is my biggest reason for being excited to go back to work.  It will put me on a schedule. 

I went to the gym this morning even though I was still exhausted from the Thanksgiving excitement and the black Friday shopping....basically it is all about the keep on keepin on! 


Friday, November 26, 2010

"I can't wait for the holidays to be over!"

I don't know about you all, but I am so SUPER SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING THAT PHRASE and it is really only the first day of the holiday season!  Okay now I get it not everyone has the perfect family, but common on it's CHRISTMAS!  However, I will say this I can't wait for the FOOD to be gone!  It's killing me!  So, my day started out great I went back to my 80% day, but then dinner came (is everyone else hearing the doom music in the background like I did?)  Anywho!  I didn't go overboard or anything I simply had three maybe four tiny picks at the stuffing and the same at the cranberry sauce.  I just want the food to be gone. 

However, here is a tip for anyone who is missing the Holiday Starbucks high calorie/fat drinks!  Try Peppermint tea!  It has hit the spot every time for me!  :)

Tomorrow is another day and another try...can't be perfect and it's not about perfection...it's about the transformation!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hi Everyone! 

So today was Thanksgiving!  One of the best days of the year!  It starts the wonderful holiday season, but with that comes the dreaded food and the scary decisions that many of us for so long have either ignored or feared, it just depends what side of that you ended up on.  I went into this evening so sure that tonight was going to be different then every other Thanksgiving.  I had all the tools I needed.  I had the mindset that Fawn had set me out with, and the menu that Fawn and I had worked so hard on. 

Let me tell you how it turned out...I ate all day like Fawn told me to...the best way I knew how.  Then dinner came and I ate my portions, but I also ate a litter more then planned, but I am going to share because I am trying to live my life in the 80/20 style.  80% of the time I eat healthy, I eat the way that I know is right and 20% of the time I am allowed to have mistakes eat the things I know will not always be good for me.  However, in doing this and knowing that today was a 20% day I want to share with you.  Along with what Fawn and I had I also has a bread roll and little more pie then planned (instead of the half a piece I had a regular piece) and a few tastes of hard sauce (please don't even ask what that is made out of!). 

Now I know that does not sound like much, but for me in the past I would be like oh dumb me I messed up my diet!  I guess we are done now....let's finish the whole pie!  Well not quite, but you get the idea.  However, I had an EXCELLENT weight in today and a great workout.  I am focusing on that and trying not to think about the bad thoughts that like to creep into my head like "you ruined it" because I know I didn't I simply had a 20% day and tomorrow I will go back to my 80% days. 

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


Today was GREAT!  I had a very productive day.  Since I knew I would be working out in the afternoon I did not want to waste the whole morning so I woke up, cleaned up, made some meals for the week, went grocery shopping and then went to see Fawn.  I worked out really hard today, which felt great!  I have been dealing with some inner issues about my future and things that have been on my mind lately and so the workout felt really good. 

Tonight was an interesting night for me.  I had baked a pie because my sister was and her boyfriend were coming over...that was not the difficult part.  The difficult part was serving it up to everyone.  I did not want a piece, I was not hungry for a piece but as I was serving it up I was like wow I could really go for a piece, but just because I was looking at it.  However, I stayed strong and knew that I was not hungry and did not have any.  However, I am REALLY REALLY  looking forward to my slice tomorrow!


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Lauren's Healthy Thanksgiving Meals Video!

Lauren's going healthy at Thanksgiving! She is eating everything in moderation! To get some tips for what to eat check out Lauren's Video below!


Harder then I thought...

So there is a chance that the holidays are going to be harder then I thought.  Today, as I was doing more cooking with my mom (one of my favorite things) I realized that I was missing also eating and tasting everything.  So, I am just really looking forward to Thursday when I get to have small portions of everything like Fawn and I talked about.  However, in the meantime I am starting to think ahead about the things I am gonna miss like the Egg Nog.  I  know this is like the most disgusting and fattening thing in the world, but my family always has a cup while lighting the tree.  I think I miss the smell of it more then anything.  Same goes with cookies, I keep really wanting to bake cookies, but I feel like if I bake them right now I am just going to eat them!  So, maybe no baking right now.  I get why the holidays are so hard for people to eat healthy.  I never really got, but I guess that was because I just always NEVER ate healthy during the holidays.  I was always of the mind that the diet could start January 1st.  NOT THIS YEAR!  NO DIETS FOR ME!

Monday, November 22, 2010


Okay so today began the scary Thanksgiving cooking.  Yes, I know it's only Monday and Thanksgiving is not until Thursday, but we cook in shifts to try and make Wednesday and Thursday less stressful.  Anyway, I cook the pies so I started with that today.  Well that was my first big obstacle.  First problem was that I only had the breakfast smoothie for breakfast...I am 26 and I should know by now that I have to have a really good solid slightly heavier breakfast otherwise I will stay hungry for the rest of the day.  Then I started cooking the pies.  I was really really good, but I will be honest and admit here to EVERYONE that I did have a very small and I mean tiny taste of the pie crust, but everything in moderation right! 

Sunday, November 21, 2010


Sometimes in life we have to do things that are just so difficult and so hard and we just have to hope that our bodies will fall into place and follow suit.  That is kind of what I am feeling today.  Getting up this morning was hard.  I did not want to, I wanted to sleep in, but I had agreed to meet Candi at the gym, so I got up and hoped my body would soon wake up.  Later I didn't want to eat the healthier option that was in front of me I wanted to eat the cake.  I didn't I ate the carrots instead.  Hoping that one day my mind will just skip over the cake. 

Sometimes we all have to do things that are hard and difficult, but they are better choices for us.  Candi said something really important to me this morning as we were working out he said "we didn't get this way over night, so we can't expect to fix it over night." He is right, but that does not help the fact that I would still like to wake up tomorrow morning and have it be done.  I know this may not be making much sense and it may sound like I'm rambling, but these are the thoughts I'm having today.  I really just want to send it out into the cosmic void that is the internet. 

Good night all!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Muffin Top!

Hey All!

Girls this post is mostly for you because you all know what I mean by MUFFIN TOPS!  You know that dreaded thing that hangs over the top of our pants and no matter how much we work we just can't get rid of all of it.  Well I have GREAT NEWS...MINE IS GETTING SMALLER!!  This was a revelation I realized as I was sitting on my yoga mat waiting for Body Pump to start this morning.  I looked in the mirror and I was like WOW something looks waaayyy different.  Then I realized...It was my muffin top!  It was SHRINKING!!!!

That is all for now!

Friday, November 19, 2010


Okay so I lost 1 pound this week!!!!  Another one down! 

However, I am not going to lie and I will give this warning out...this post might tick some people off.  Now, I know I lost a pound, but since my other weigh ins had been so much more I was have to admit I was a little disappointed that this mornings number was not better then 1 pound.  So, I talked to Fawn this afternoon and explained my disappointment and she quickly snapped me back into shape.  I also have to tell you that reading some of you comments just now also did the trick.  They reminded me why I am on this journey.  I just have to keep telling myself this:

I am on this journey for myself and not for anyone else.  I am on this journey for my health and not for the number.  The number is simply a nice little reward.  I am on this journey to help myself and to take care of myself.  I have spent far too many of my years taking care of other people (AND I AM ONLY 26) I need to start taking care of me so that way I can have MANY more years to take care of other people.  I am on this journey to heal the hurts of the past and look forward to the excitement that God has planned for my future.  I am on this journey not just to loose weight, but to gain my self confidence back, which is coming back and I can already see it.  I can see with every extra smile I hand out, with every extra twinkle in my eye that I see and every time I rearrange my schedule so I can MAKE SURE I fit the gym in, instead of blowing it off. 

That is all for now ... Good night all of Fawn's children! XOXO

Thursday, November 18, 2010


Okay so tomorrow is my big weigh in day.  I am fully aware that this is NOT A DIET AND THAT THIS IS A LIFE STYLE CHANGE...Fawn has only told me that everyday since we started.  However, every time in the past when I was on a diet I could tell when I was loosing weight (probably because I was starving myself to death), but now I can't tell if I have lost weight each week.  Of course over the long haul I can tell with the usual things...my face looks different and my clothes fit differently, but week to week I just cant tell.  I have to be honest it makes me a little nervous and excited to weigh in all at the same time.  Now, I know it is not all about the number, but still the number is a nice little reward to tell whether or not all that hard work is paying off. 

I will keep you posted tomorrow!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010



Well I made it through the day.  A little tired, but no worse off then I started.  I got a little gift to brighten my day though...KOST started playing Christmas music today!!!!!  YEY!!!!  My favorite!  So it is nothing by Christmas music from now until Christmas!!!!  Clearly this was my highlight!

Anyway, onto the good stuff.  So, I was just so drained today I did not feel like I could go to my spin class, but on the brighter side I DID go to the gym and do 30 minutes on the stair stepper!!  This is a huge improvement for me because in the past when I was feeling the way I was today I would just blow off the gym and get a frozen yogurt (with lots of toppings).  Also, another hurdle I had today was needing candy.  When I am down in the dumps I CRAVE candy, which is what I wanted ALL DAY LONG, but I stuck to my guns and I ate an apple instead.  I have to be honest I keep surprising myself.

Have a WONDERFUL NIGHT ALL I am going back to listen to my Christmas music! 

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


Hi All!

Well tomorrow is the big day...the 7 year anniversary of my second brain surgery.  Yes, I always celebrate or acknowledge this day more then the day of my first brain surgery because in my mind once I got through this day it was all over.  At least that was what I thought.  That was what I thought as I laid there in that hospital bed.  I remember so vividly looking at everyone around me.  Seeing my parents and seeing that they looked scared.  Seeing my brother barley able to keep it together.  Even now as I look back on it and remember it it still feels like it was yesterday.  For just about everyone else in the world tomorrow will come and go just like any other day.  Many people will wake up either looking forward to the day or dreading the day.  Many people will see it as a simple Wednesday the "hump day" of the week, the half way point to the weekend.  

For me when I wake up tomorrow it will be different.  I might feel sad, I might feel happy, I might feel nothing at all.  That's the thing about this I won't really know until I get to the day.  One thing I do know for sure though is that tomorrow will be different.  Not because I will feel different necessarily, but because tomorrow will be the first time in seven years that I will know that I am taking an active role in changing what is happening to me.  Changing what is happening to my body, to my mind and to my spirit.  Seven years ago I really didn't have much of a choice it was either brain surgery or go blind now I have a choice and I've decided to take the path that is going to make me healthier.  However, that does not necessarily mean tomorrow will be easier.

Monday, November 15, 2010


I want to go with a theme here: Revelations!  Revelations about myself.  I always thought that big moment when I got some clarity would be huge ... you know like you see in the movies.  However, I had a big clarifying moment today and it was just a regular conversation with Fawn.  It wasn't until afterwards that I realized what had taken place. 

I called Fawn for some advice on what else but a guy and there it was the best advice she could have given me...Lauren you have to take care of yourself first, you have to work on yourself first.  Best advice ever!

It gave me a whole new sense of empowerment.  I went to the gym tonight for the first time EVER because I WANTED  TO and NOT because I knew Fawn was going to ask me about it.  I went to the gym tonight and had a FANTASTIC workout.  I pushed myself harder then I think I probably ever had.
Here is what I learned.  In the past, not only have my diets failed because they were not healthy but they were quick fixes.  They also failed because I did not have the right intentions behind them.  I did them to loose weight fast or my mentality was if I loose weight I will look prettier and then it will all fall into place.  I'm learning that that is not right.  I'm BEAUTIFUL!  I just have to take care of myself first. 

Now I know every woman out that can relate to that...at least at some point in their life.   

Video about Lauren's Transformation!

Check out Lauren's story about being on a journey to transformation! She makes being her coach easy! : )


Saturday, November 13, 2010


3 MILES FOR THE HOMELESS BABY!!!  So I just walked three miles for the homeless and it was really great!  There was a FANTASTIC turnout!  It was even my day off from working out!  However, before the walk I was really really nervous because I was not sure if I could do it, but Fawn was like "of course you can it's only three miles!"  Turns out I can!

Then the group went out for lunch.  Group outings is always a little difficult for me because without fail it always involves food.  I was good though I had veggies.  I am finding that I really do enjoy veggies and even veggies without dressing.

Now onto the next challenge of the day (I guess today is really just full of them) tonight is girls night.  A bunch of us girls are all going to hang out at a friends house ... there will be a ton of food.  So my plan is going to be eat my dinner before I go, bring my snack with me and bring veggies for the group!  Let's hope it goes well.

Friday, November 12, 2010


Okay so today is the first day of officially blogging.  I am not working today so getting myself motivated to do my usual workout routine is a little difficult.  However, the fact that I lost 3 more pounds this past week is GREAT motivation and watching Cande last night was also a HUGE motivating factor for me.  So I just have to do it.  My biggest issue is not the eating.  It it is the exercising...I hate to exercise, but I know it is the best thing for me.  So, I am hoping that blogging will help to keep me on track with working out.  So here I go...of to get my day off to a good start with a walk/run on the treadmill.