Too much food!

Hi Bloggers,

Wow, I was on a roll, working out, eating clean. Today, I don't know what happened... I was clean all day then tonight it was over. Now look... I can tell you that I have come a long way because I am not sitting here dwelling in it, but I do know that I should have used some more self control. Life is not always going to be neat and clean in any sense. It's important to know that I can puck myself back up when I fall down and I know I can, I've done it before... This will not get the best if me! Never let anything get the best of you, tomorrow is a new day!

How do I do this again!?

So there has been this whole I'm on a journey thing. I'm on a journey to better myself. I have been successful etc. etc. etc. However, now that I am confident and all I have been starting to date and flirt and enjoying myself, but how does it work... not the flirting and dating...that part I know how to do ;) I mean how do I make it work and still have the time to workout, eat right and take care of myself! I know what has to be number 1...of course it has to be God and then the journey, but it is still a little difficult. Living life and continuing to live life can be a little complicated when you throw dating and the journey into the mix.

Sad goodbyes and New beginnings

Hi readers,

I am sure all of you know by now that Fawn and Zac are leaving California for a FANTASTIC OPPORTUNITY in Greenbay. WAY TO GO!!! However, this does leave some of us in California without our Fawn ;(.

Fawn was kind enough to call and inform me on Saturday that the decision had been made and let me tell you that I did not take the news all that well. I am scared. I will be flat out honest with you. I am TERRIFIED. Fawn and I have seen each other almost everyday through this whole thing and I am not sure that I will be able to do it without her. Will she still be my coach? OF COURSE! We will talk over the phone, e-mail and however else we can do it! But I am scared. I know exactly how I felt when she called and told me and my first inclination (after crying) was to eat...I didn't.

Fawn has been such a rock and mentor and every time I think about her leaving my eyes fill up with tears. I am sad because my best friend is moving, I am scared because now I have to stand on my own two feet and do this by myself, I am scared because I am not sure what standing alone is going to look like, but when the crying is done I realize that God put Fawn in my life to perform what I can only describe to all of you as an absolute miracle. She believed in me when every doctor I had seen had given up hope. She believed in me and taught be how to believe in myself again. Now, God sees it fit to take her someplace else to do the very same thing with other people. No matter where she goes she will bring light and no matter where she goes I will continue to make progress because she has instilled in me the tools I need to be successful. I see myself making healthier decisions just because that is how I eat now, that is what I LIKE now something I would have never done before I met Fawn.

I can do this, I will do this and when I go to visit Fawn and Zac (because oh yes that is happening...get ready for the house guest you two!!) they will get to see that I have continued on this journey not without them, but with their tools and their voices reminding me how to do this. They just need to go and make seismic shifts in other people's lives now.

Sometimes the best decisions are the hardest...

I was on a roll. I was doing well. What happened? I don't know. I could blame it on stress. I could blame it on work. I could blame it on a lot of things. I could even blame it on myself. However, I have been working really hard at not being too hard on myself because sometimes in life for all of us making the best decisions in life are the hardest ones to make. It might be as simple as making the decision to get up in the morning to go to the gym...that's a hard decision to make. It might be as difficult as putting down the bottle and not drinking anymore...that's a hard decision to make. For me, today, it was not eating the cake that was being served at a super bowl party...and you know I did it. However, when I went to the next party there was ice cream and I ate that.

If I don't loose another pound, if I even gain weight from here on out I have at least learned a very valuable lesson. God has a plan for me. Somehow this journey is in His plan... and for me He has great things. Right now I just have to learn how to be comfortable with the uncomfortable, and I have to learn to trust in Him. If we do recall He did promise us great things. I have to have trust in that. I have to run with that and know that He will never let me fall or falter unless it is to allow me to learn a lesson.

Why am I doing this again?

In the day to day grind that everyone goes through it is so easy to forget why we are on this journey...not just this journey of transformation, but this journey of life.

This past week has been one of ups and downs for me. I had a few too many 20% episodes and when I saw Fawn (like always I confessed). Fawn put be back on the straight path right where I needed to be. Fawn took me through an intense workout and I left her feeling GREAT I was back and ready to go. I was going to focus on my food and continue with my workouts like I had been doing.

The next morning I woke up for my morning jog/walk with my Dad. Half way through I fell and I fell hard! I scraped myself up pretty bad and I sprained my ankle. This was BAD news. This meant no workouts for a while and definitely no intense workouts for awhile.

This brings be to today. Fawn suggested I go back and look at my old videos to help me see how far I have come and to help remind me that it will not all be undone in a matter of a few days. While I was looking at the old videos I was reminded of why I am doing this. I took a pledge (given to me by Fawn) to focus on myself. The two most important things in this life right now are God (this will always be the case) and myself. I need to stop worrying about work, stop worrying about my class, stop worrying about whatever boy or what not and worry about my relationship with God and myself. I need to get back to that focus to where I was then. That is the healthiest thing for me right now.

Everything else just falls into place

Thoughts on The Journey

Hiking Topanga!