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Thursday, December 30, 2010

Well, I started off with good intentions.

Hi all!

Well, I started off my trip to NJ with the best of intentions, but all I can say is that I am sooo glad the holiday food is GONE!!!! It is officially out of our house, out of my parents house and I am back home. I swear if I lived in NJ I would weigh 900 pounds! Let's talk on the upside. I worked out everyday except for one...and the one day I did not workout I didn't because I made myself sick...yep that's right I ate so much crap one night I made myself sick.


The majority of my meals were not GREAT because I was not cooking them and making them myself. However, they were as balanced as I could get them. The worse night was the cousin's party, which was on Tuesday night. We had everything from veggies, to sausage and peppers to desserts. Ya, Wednesday was the day that I was sick! It was awful! Let's not do that again!


Enough on what I did wrong though. It's the holidays and I made conscious decisions to do those actions. No need to dwell. I am back and tomorrow it is back to 3 bottles of water a day, I set out my meals for tomorrow already and I am ready to get back on the horse. However, the one thing I think I am NOT going to be doing tomorrow is weigh in. I can tell you that I gained weight, but I know that seeing the number will not be good for me. It will only put me in a bad place mentally and I don't need that.


So, sorry I don't have better news for everyone, but if anyone can tell me they did perfect during the holidays I would love to know how! However, I am learning that it is not really about perfection it is about the journey and on this journey, which is for a lifetime there will be holidays, parties and other activities. I am not always going to want to eat perfect. This time though I did go a bit overboard.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Eating healthy during a blizzard!

Hi All!

Well I made it to NJ. Last night was an interesting eating night. I took a night flight to NJ so I ate an "extra" light snack halfway through the flight...which was technically in the middle of the night, but I was awake and hungry...it was an apple and almonds.

Today when we landed we I was off to a FANTASTIC start for the day. We had a crazy day so we went straight to a diner for breakfast. I ordered directly off my "Fawn Menu" and I even brought measuring cups along to make sure I was being good with portions. I ordered an oatmeal with bananas and an egg white and a whole egg. That was it. Then I was off for my day. I ate every three hours, but because it was such a busy day and we had SO much to do, before the blizzard hit (yes I said blizzard) I never got to eat an actual lunch. So, I continued to eat every 3 to 3 and 1/2 hours, but I just ate my snack. We finally checked into our hotel and I did my workout. So, since I am really only supposed to be working out six days a week and today would have been my day off I only did 30 minutes on the treadmill, but I ran! Then NAP TIME!! I was super tired!

Then came dinner. I had done so well all day and I still think I did pretty well, but I wish I had not eaten so LITTLE all day. I wish I had eaten my meals. I say this because what it did was it set me up so that come dinner time I was STARVING!!! I begged my dad to take me out in the blizzard and purchase some "Fawn food." We went and almost died doing it, but made it safety back. I started by only having turkey, cheese sandwich on a half of a whole wheat bun, but then they brought the corn chips and salami out. Now, the corn chips were not awful...I read the ingredients...they were organic and as far as chips go were the better of the bunch. The salami was not great I'll admit, however I never have it and it is a NJ thing! I had like 5 thinly sliced palm sized pieces. Not a ton, but enough. So, you can see it was not a perfect day and I really don't plan on skipping meals again, but I think in the end I probably evened out in calories.

Keep ya posted!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Off to NJ

Hey Bloggers!

Merry Christmas!

Well I hate to say and I never thought I would...but I can't wait for the Holidays to be OVER!!!! I love the meaning of Christmas, the family, friends, the gatherings, but I need this food and the temptations to go AWAY!!!!

I keep comforting myself in "Lauren, you are doing the best you can for right now, this is a lifetime journey and in a lifetime you are going to find the holidays are going to happen." So, to make myself feel better I am working out 7 days a week instead of 6, right or wrong that is what I am doing. I calms me to know that at least everyday I am being active. And, I will admit not all 7 days are running/intense type days, some days are recovery type days. However, I know that come the New Year, I won't have to "start a diet" I will just be able to get back to my "regular routine."

Well, today is Christmas and I hope that everyone is enjoying their families. Tonight my family and I are off to NJ to see our VERY LARGE EXTENDED FAMILY. In case you missed it we are Italian so there is A WHOLE LOT OF US and what I am dreading most A WHOLE LOT OF FOOD! It will just have to be one meal at a time, one snack at a time, one workout at a time (yes I will be working out while I am there). My brother and I get memberships to the YMCA. I can do this. I know I can I just have to stay true to my portions and AWAY FROM THE DESSERT TABLES!!!

Please say some prayers for me!


I probably won't get to blog while I am there so I will see you all when I get back. Stay strong and stay on program! Keeping you all in my thoughts!

Lauren

Friday, December 24, 2010

Setting ourselves up to FAIL!

As I was wrapping today I had the T.V. on and I could not help but notice that the diet commercials started. This was a major coincidence because today ended up being my 20% day. As I attempted to enjoy my 20% day I wondered to myself why it was so hard for me to do so. Is my relationship with food that is deranged? Is it some sort of eating disorder? No! It is simply that I have been on diets far too long and they have done a number on my way of thinking...in a very negative way! Let's take Jenny Craig for example. That was the one I was on the longest. You get a menu and a certain amount of calories, then you have to weigh in once a week. In my case if I did not stick to those calories I would gain weight. So, I would get really, really down on myself when I would go off the menu. When I say I went off the menu I do not mean I went particularly crazy, I mean that life happened. However, because I was on so few calories anytime I went off the menu I gained weight.

Skip forward to this journey. Now here I am trying to live my life with the concept of 80% and 20% and I took today as a 20%. I had whole wheat crackers, cheese, turkey, cheese, whole wheat bread, and some tiny tiny cookies (all together sounds like a lot, but I did not feel bad about it ... at first...I felt like I had done a good job with this... it also took the place of a meal and two snacks, so I was not doubling up on meal calories or anything...it was all spread out). However, when I let myself really think about it I get down on myself, so sure that I have ruined everything because I have not stuck exactly to the plan. This is what diets do to you. They set you up to FAIL so that when you go out into the real world and attempt a plan/ journey like this it takes forever to rework your thought process.

Another concept plaguing me at this moment is that weigh in was today. I hate being a women for this very reason...I gained 3 pounds. Now, I know I had 2 episode...LAST WEEKEND! But that should not account for a 3 pound increase! I understand that I fluctuate just like every other woman out there, but it can be really frustrating. I never want to be in the 200's again and I am really close.

So, I am thinking that I will not have another 20% day until I am far enough away from the 200's that I can be very comfortable. However, is that the smart thing to do? Or is that going back into the diet mentality? I don't know.

One thing I do know is I can't wait for the Christmas food to be out of the house!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Wanting things now!

We all do it...we all want things now...we all hate to wait. It's that inner child that comes out and says I WANT IT NOW! This can apply to anything: weight loss, a transformation, a guy who says he will call, a guy who you want to have ask you out, a promotion, a raise, a new house, it can be anything. When we want something we usually don't want to wait for it. That's why as kids going to sleep on Christmas eve was so super difficult. There was this excitement that we felt. We just could not wait to see what Santa brought us. Now, depending on where we are in our lives we just can't wait to get to the new year to see what God has in store. "Will this be my year" we wonder. "Will I find my true love," "Will he ask me out," "Will I get that promotion," ""Will I buy that house," "What wonderful things will come my way."

However, for most of us on this journey the first question is "Will I accomplish my goal? Now, I have faith in myself that I will accomplish my goal. That is not my concern. What drives me crazy, keeps my mind going, what I have to learn to give up to God Himself is what will be the next steps. This is the new "Christmas Eve Excitement for adults." You see dear friends I have wasted (yes, wasted) so many years of my life on this "weight issue" that I am so excited to see what my future holds! I know He holds wonderful things for my future, but I, like everyone else want those things NOW. I have to learn to WAIT! In time, those thins will come and they will come at the right time. I will loose my weight at the right time, I will reach my goals at the right time, I will meet my person at the right time, I will get married at the right time. I can't control my future. I can't control what HE is supposed to control. All I can control is this journey and how I do from day to day, moment to moment. That's it, the rest has to be given to God and held in His hands and then miracles happen.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Letting God guide me.

So I thought I had this journey nailed. I thought I was good. I thought I could do it with my eyes closed. I was wrong! I talked about Friday...you all know how that went. Saturday was better. Sunday...a photocopy of Friday. What I am learning is that I am human, I make mistakes, but if I can get back up and start all over again that is really the best part. I essentially started all over again this morning. I had a great workout and followed my eating plan to a "T."

The holidays are difficult, eating wise, for anyone and everyone...anyone who says differently is lying. However, I decided last night after a very very very long talk/text with Fawn (thank you Fawn) I realized that I can talk to Fawn and Zac and they can motivate me and give me advice until they are blue in the face, but really the only person who an make a difference in the journey is me. I have to put in the hard work and I have to put in the time. Here I am willing to do more, willing to say that I messed up real bad and willing to say that I don't want to do that again.

At this point I have lost 25.5 pounds, blew past 200 and it feels so good!!! I love the way I feel! I love how light I feel! I love the way my clothes are feeling! At this point I have to say some real serious prayers, let God guide me and take His hand the rest of the way through this journey because in reality it is me and Him to guide me on this journey. Fawn and Zac are just here to talk to. Today was an A+ for me. I am going to bed tonight ready to make tomorrow another A+ day!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Not one of my better days...

Hi Friends,

I am a little ashamed to put this out there, but if I can't put it out on my blog for all of you to read then what good is the blog ... right?!?


So, as I said last night we had major holiday parties at school all day long and I went into it completely prepared. However, it did not go exactly as planned. The breakfast went great. I mingled, chatted, I didn't eat the food!!! I was so proud of myself (oh ya and I should mention at weigh in this morning I had lost another 5 pounds!) I was on top of the world! Then the afternoon came ...


I was passing out cupcakes to the kids, a parent brought pizza, and another student brought surger cookies. I had 3 tiny bites of the cupcake, a whole surger cookie, 3 bites of a piece of pizza, and more crap! We don't even need to keep mentioning it. Now, I know that I need to live my life by the 80/20 rule and this can be considered my 20% day and I just pick myself up again tomorrow.

However, you have to know me to know that I am really, really, really hard on myself. In my head I am sure that I have now put back on ALL 22 pounds!!!! My first thought is to tell myself ALL OF IT RUINED I MIGHT AS WELL QUIT, but forget that no more of that talk, I like what I am doing now. I like the way I feel when I eat healthy, and get up early to workout. It makes me feel good that I am working on me for a change. So, tomorrow is a new day and I will be back at it tomorrow.

Everyday can't be perfect, most days are hard, but it's that hard days that make the rewards so worth it!!!

So, in closing my friends I ask that you just say a littler prayer for me that the coming days go well for me and that I get back on the plan and I begin to lighten up on myself.

Good night friends and I hope your holidays are going well!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Crazy week!!

Dear Bloggers,

It has been one crazy week and I don't know about you but I have been pounded and surrounded by Christmas parties! Along with Christmas parties comes sweets and junk food and all those tasty things that will not do me any good! Anyway, my biggest thing right now is tomorrow morning at work we have our Holiday Breakfast! Okay so there is going to be so much good food there, but I really don't want to have my 20% day until the day AFTER Christmas (when we go to New Jersey and have our big cousin party). I am really working hard to be under 200 pounds for NJ AND save my 20% day for NJ. This is my small goal. I know that I can do this. As for tomorrow I just have to eat my breakfast before I go to work and mingle instead of worry about the food. That's it!

Now, last time I blogged I mentioned that I hit my first goal...yep that's right I am currently under 200%, but not by much, just by a sliver so I was trying to be really really on top of it this week. My new goal will be to hit 180. I can do this I know I can. I was pretty skeptical about getting this far, but now that I have I am pretty sure that with God on my side and Fawn to push me further then I would have ever pushed myself I can do ANYTHING!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Oppostion one week and Blessings another!

Dear Blogger,

I find myself amazed at the transition from last week to this week. Last week we all were hit hard by the opposition! There are some amazing things happening and clearly we were upsetting something in the universe. However, I look at this week and the amazing blessings. For example, just when you need it most a colleague calls your name from across the yard just to tell you how FANTASTIC you look. Right there is a blessing! It is amazing to me the contrast from one week to the next.

I am learning to take the moments of opposition in stride and recognize them for what they are. However, I am so grateful for my blessings...no matter how small they might seem at the time because it is the blessings that will pull us through our darkest moments of this journey.

Whether is makes sense or not those are my thoughts for the night. Good night all and may the Lord bless you as fully as He has me! :)

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Down 6 pounds!!!

Dear Bloggers,

Let me tell you what happens when I wake up for a week and go to the gym and 5:00 in the morning. I lost 6 POUNDS! Yep that's right...you heard me right 6 POUNDS!!! Plus, I reached my first goal! I broke 200 pounds and I can officially say I will never ever see those numbers again! THANK YOU LORD! I am still working on getting to bed early so I can wake up early and increasing my cardio. Hopefully, the numbers will continue to go down.


Bye for now!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Where Have I been?

Okay so Fawn made an interesting comment the other day "It will go as fast as you want or as slow as you want." This made me think it is all based on how hard I work. I know simple right. I just haven't really been thinking about it like this before. So, starting last Monday I got myself out of bed at 5AM and went to the gym. I decided to start doing this because the gym in the thing I HATE the most and going after work only makes it WORSE!! It has been GREAT! I have had sooo much more energy for teaching during the day, I have been in a better mood and everything. The only down side is I have to work really, really hard and getting in bed early at night to make sure I get the 7-8 hours of sleep in and still be able to get up by 5. So, here I go off to sleep. Good night!!!

Friday, December 3, 2010

Let's make it 5 pounds away...

Okay so today's weigh in did not go exactly as expected. I actually gained 2 pounds, but that's okay last week was a big week with Thanksgiving and all. Also, I have not been reducing that last snack like I was supposed to be doing. On top of that I had Greek yogurt 3 days in a row (I just love that stuff!) So I think these are some of the possible reasons why the two pounds might have gone up and not down. I am not stressing...thanks to a looonnng conversation with Fawn...THANK YOU FAWN! I know that all I have to do it just amp up the cardio (when I'm feeling better) and cut that last snack in half. Also, I don't think I have been putting enough time in between my eating. Sometimes on the weekends I will eat every 2 hours.

If it sounds like I just admitting everything I have done wrong I am because then I wont do it again. This is the best way to hold myself accountable.


As for tonight, even though I was not feeling well I still went to the gym and I am glad that I did. I got 30 minutes in and that is good enough for tonight because I am feeling really really lousy!

Tomorrow will be nothing by better!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

BLAH!!!

Okay so here is the deal...I woke up this morning with a yuk throat and a stuffy nose. That is bad news especially because I have a crazy busy weekend and for the next TWO WEEKS I have parent conferences, so it is not like there is time to take off or get sick!!!! So, I did not go to the gym tonight, which is technically fine because I am allowed to have one day off. However, because I can be a little crazy and my weigh in is tomorrow I am of course worried that not working out tonight is going to affect what my weight is tomorrow. I know I'm nuts, but I am working on it!

Everyone just cross your fingers that the weigh in goes well...as of last week I was only 3 pounds away from my first goal! I hope tomorrow I am just that much closer!!!!

P.S. also prey that this cold or whatever it is goes away!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Amazing!

As you may or may not know I purchased a house this past summer. I have really enjoyed getting it all together and I have REALLY enjoyed decorating it MY way for the holidays. However, I just had the most AMAZING experience tonight. I invited my parents over (no not the first time), but this time I cooked them dinner instead of the other way around! I cooked them a VERY VERY healthy and it felt so good to host them in my house and be able to cook them such a healthy meal!

I am so excited about all the wonderful things that are in my life and all that I have been blessed with! It is truly amazing and God is truly wonderful.