Thursday, January 6, 2011

I am what I am.

Some days it is more difficult then others to eat and live a "clean life." Today for example, I might have had a few more noodles in my pasta and an extra slice of bread then I wanted to. I also had a cookie. It was my intention to go this entire week eating only "clean" food. What I mean by that is to have clean eating habits all week long. Now, is my week over and should I throw the rest of it away...NO...THE DAY IS NOT EVEN GONE!
I am discovering that I am the kind of person who is on certain days more hungry then on other days. On the majority of my days (95%) of my days I am okay, I can eat three meals a day, and eat three snacks a day and be fine. However, there is the 5% of the time where I am just really hungry. That is okay. What needs to be different is what I eat in that time. Everything I ate today was fine, except the cookie. I should not have eaten the cookie, but I did and next time I will pick an apple.

I think what I find most difficult so often is that when I read magazines I see models and I automatically think that that is what I am supposed to look like, but it's not. What idiot decided that frail thin, pale, angry looking woman is what makes a woman beautiful? I am supposed to look like me. I don't know yet what that is supposed to look like. It might look like me right now at 198 and that's okay because I am learning to be okay with that, but I don't think it is. I think it is me much lower then 198. Whatever number I am supposed to end up at and I am supposed to look like I am going to be okay with it because it's me and it's the body that God intended for me to live in. So, whatever it is will be amazing. I mean look at my life up until now, it has been fantastic and I have not even been fully living it. For right now I just have to let go of the past, let go of trying to be in control of creating my future (that's God's job), and let go of making myself feel bad and just live and be in this moment and be comfortable with what I am. I am what I am and no one can or should make me feel any differently about that.


  1. I love it! : ) You're doing great Lauren!

  2. It's coming full circle. It's great!!! I think we all have the guilt taken away because we are eating healthy to the best of our abbilities. So where we feel ok when we decide to eat something that's not as healthy. I know I'm not hiding in a corner or running into another room to shovel my mouth with a brownie or cookie etc... Congratulations girl! Keep going.

  3. Lauren. I gave Fawn a great book to read called "Unstretched" by Margot Starbuck. I think that's how you spell her name--a while since I read it. The book deals A LOT with self-image and how we are so controlled by our culture. Ask to borrow it from her. It is a great read--she's fun--but deep too.