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Tuesday, January 4, 2011

"Focus on God and the Jorney"

...Or it was something like that but you get the point. Well today was one of my lower points. Not eating wise, not working out wise, but emotionally. Please don't misunderstand, I am not an emotionally unstable person. As a daughter of a psychologist I am actually one of the more emotionally stable people you might ever meet (years of therapy and really digging into who I am as a person). However, today was an interesting day and one I have never gotten to in all of my years in therapy.

I have really been struggling with where I am in life. I am at a point in my life where all of my friends are married and some even have kids. Here I stand single. Yes, it is true I have been blessed in many other ways. This past year I was able to buy a house, seven years ago I survived two brain surgeries. I have a job when like 10% of the population doesn't. So, true I am blessed, but I am missing that one part, that thing that we all want, a partner in life, someone who makes my heart beat faster then it does at any other time.

So, I went to see Fawn today, like normal. We sat down to chat and let me tell you she is the best advice giver there is. Over the years I have spent I don't know how much on therapists, but she just laid it flat out for me. "Spend your time focusing on God and this journey, working on yourself and the rest will follow." It was exactly what I needed to hear, possibly not what I wanted to hear, but what I needed. I had gotten myself so wrapped up in the future, thinking about whats to come and will he ever come that I had lost sight of what I was supposed to be focused on. Her words refocused me. She equated life to stepping stones in life. Sometimes we get so focused on the end, what we want that we forget to enjoy each stepping stone along the way. Those stepping stones are big deals! How we get to that end in a huge deal and each one has a lot to do with making up apart of who we are and what we become later in life. For example, who I was a year ago is a completely different person then who I am now. Now I am more understanding, I don't explode and loose my temper like I used to, I have met Fawn and I am on this WONDERFUL journey, I had not yet joined Mosaic and I have lost 25.5 pounds. I am more self confident, I am more willing to step out of my comfort zone, life is GREAT!

Now, let us let ourselves imagine for a second that I had found "him" a year ago before I had become the person I am today. I would not be good in any relationship. The person I am today is better then the person I was a year ago and the person I will be in a month or two will be better then the person I am right now. I just have to let this journey and God take its course and be okay with that. I need to focus on this stepping stone right now and LET GO OF THE REST.

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